Spiccoli Speaks - A work of fiction

I thought it was trouble when the buggy drove in, I knew it was trouble when that goddam sedan pulls up. I mean what else is going to get the A/P Chief out of headquarters at eight in the morning?

As soon as Hardy and the boot go inside I whip out my phone and call Dennis. I know that Dennis probably knows what the hell is up,  but I wanna make sure.

Dennis knew alright, he picked up on the first ring. Look Spiccoli" he tells me "I can't tell you what happened, but Mitchell is gone. It's righteous and there is nothing that we can do about it. He's on probation and has no rights. Trust me, if you knew what went down, you'd be OK with it.

Shit. Aint that a mother. Eleven months in and getting the axe. I wonder what the little bastard did? I liked him OK. I mean for a boot, he did a pretty good job around here. I know he's a a few bad drills, but hey - who hasn't.

I know whats coming next, so I round up Cyndi and we finish up the buggy. Cyndi is clueless, she didn't even know the Chiefs were here. I tell her what happened and I let her know I called the union president. She looked pale, like she was going to puke or something. She went to school with Mitchell's wife and knows her pretty good.

Cyndi runs inside to change into her "B" while I move the buggy and put the car wash stuff away. I am just reaching for my shirt when Hardy comes over the PA and tells us to meet at the engine.

I get there first and I pretend like I don't know what is going on. Hardy walks over to the rig and starts pulling the boot's stuff off. He makes this neat pile against the wall. Turn-outs, brush gear, class "B" shirt - all of it. Cyndi shows up just about the time Hardy gets done. I can tell she didn't take a shower, but at least she got her uniform on.

Hardy asks us if we know whats going on. I tell him no, Cyndi nods yes. WTF, that makes us look brilliant.

Hardy tells us we gotta go for a ride. We done this before, the chief's don't want us in the station when they count all of the boot's stuff and he empties out his locker. I was glad to see the last one go, that guy was a prick. I ain't so happy about losing this one.

Hardy decides we'll go get a coffee. That'll get us out of the cold and maybe there will be a corner or somewhere that we can talk about this situation. Me? I hate freakin' Starbucks. Four bucks for a big cup of yuppie coffee. What a joke. But I knew Hardy was buying and Cyndi lives there anyways so why not.

We get to Starbucks, get our coffee and find a table back in the corner. Hardy starts in.

You guys know why the chiefs were here this morning, Hardy says. Mitchell had an off duty incident last week and somehow they found out about it over at headquarters.They started looking into it and didn't like what they were seeing.

I look over at Cyndi to see if she was going to ask the hundred dollar question. By the sick look on her face, I can tell that she isn't

Not only that, but Mitchell had an issue with the training guys during the academy, Hardy continues. Something about maybe he was cheating on his Friday tests. They couldn't prove it, but they were convinced. When they added it all up and ran it by HR, they all agreed - Mitch has got to go.

I chew on this for a few seconds. Then I gotta ask. What did he do?

Hardy looks at me, looks at Cyndi and then tells us this bullshit that he doesn't know exactly, but the cops were involved and it didn't put a good light on the department. I'm not buyin' that Hardy doesn't know exactly what went down. He's too close to the Chief and he went to the academy with Dennis. He knows exactly.

We just finish our coffee when we get a call for a man down in the bushes. Turns out it's a homeless guy who died sometime in the night. We open up his tent, the ants are already having quite the picnic. By the time we wait for the detectives and all that, the Chief gets on the radio and says that we can go back to the station.

When we get back in quarters, the boot and the Chiefs are gone. Mitch's locker is empty, even his food shelf is empty. It's like he was never here. Then the company phone starts ringing off of the hook. Word travels fast.

Fast Eddie shows up twenty minutes later, he pulled the OT. What a whore that guy is. What a screwed up day this is starting out to be.