Asswipes!

Kinda Big Fire Protection Dist.

Staff Report (abbreviated)

 

Topic: Toilet Tissue

Background: Since the K.B.F.P.D. disbanded the logistics division in 1995, we have been contracting with the County Supply System (CSS) to provide our logistical and supply services. Although this has been a cost effective alternative for us, the quality of some items obtained through CSS have not met our standards.

Although there are several areas in which the quality of supply is lacking, none is more critical than the issue of toilet tissue.

Current Situation: Currently CSS has two options for toilet tissue. These are both in stock and have similar price points. 

Product #1 - Smear More extra-smooth

 Product #1 - individual sheet and package

Advantages:

1. Low cost point
2. Low popularity = less usage

Disadvantages:

1. Total lack of texture causes increased smearing and decreased hygene.
2. Those employees who do choose to use this product tend to use a larger quantity at each usage. This tends to increase clogging and waste disposal issues. Paper towel and hand soap usage appears to be increased in facilities that use this product as well.

Product #2 - Ready Grit #150

Product #2 - individual sheet and package

Advantages - 

1. Low cost point.
2. Extreme texture is very effective in cleaning the desired area, meaning fewer sheets used.
3. Low popularity = less usage.
4. Product can also be used in numerous station improvement and maintenance projects, particularly those involving the removal of rust or paint.

Disadvantages - 

1. Excessive tissue (human) removal causes increased sick leave usage.
2. Stiff nature of the tissue causes increased clogging.
3. Rectal irritation is causing personnel (particularly command staff) to squirm and shift in staff meetings.

Alternative - Kirkland Signature Embossed Bath Tissue

Alternative - individual sheet and package

Advantages:

1. Low cost point. Approximately 7% less than above products.
2. Softness, appropriate texture and absorbency makes for happy employees!
3. Efficiency should mean less usage.
4. Product usage has resulted in less clogging issues.

Disadvantages:

1. Purchasing product outside of CSS would require approx. 2 staff hours per month to purchase and distribute product to District facilities. As this would be an operations staff member performing this function while "on-duty", it is a zero cost issue.
2. Purchasing this product would require a district Commander to use his "Ready Purchase" card to pay for the product. The appropriate paperwork would then be required.

 All three products - individual sheets.

Recommendation:

It is my recommendation that we go outside the CSS, purchase and distribute the alternative, "Kirkland Signature Embossed Bath Tissue".

Respectfully submitted,
Joseph Schmoe
Capt. E226 "A" 


******

We've been whining about the toilet paper for years, it's been a lesson in futility. Actually, if that's all we have to whine about, it's a pretty good place to work.

Most of us bring our own in anyway, it's amazing how many grown men prefer diaper wipes. It's amazing how fatherhood changes your life. Sorry for the "crappy" post! 

Thanks for reading,
Schmoe