Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Can't Remember

I can't remember the last time -
  • someone climbed on the roof of the station and threw a bucket of water on an unsuspecting target.
  •  someone was strapped to a backboard and hung in the hosetower
  • someone had I.V. tubing routed through the ceiling so that saline dripped on them as they slept.
  • someone had their bedding hidden from them while they were on a call
  • someone pulled, then hid the fuses for the air conditioning unit on a hot summer night
  • someone had to mop up the water down in the training chief's office because a water fight got out of hand
  • someone was thrown down the pole hole
  • someone had a bucket of ice water thrown on them as they showered
  • someone had their towel kyped as they showered
  • someone had their seat armor-alled so they slid around when the rig made a sharp turn
  • someone had grease or charcoal applied to the headband of their helmet
  • someone was "decorated" as they slept in a recliner
  • someone removed all of the toilet paper from the dispensers and from the supply room
Now it seems that most of the crap that goes on is more psychological in nature or involves  fake facebook accounts, photo-shop or tweeting.

Of course some of the stuff that happened way before my time would now land you in jail or at least the unemployment line.

The most infamous words in the K.B.F.P.D. were "There aren't enough of you bastards to..."

As an example:  "There aren't enough of you bastards ti paint my ass!" 

Guess what. There WERE enough of those bastards. Most of them were WWII or Korean war vets. They were tough as nails and more than willing to show someone how few people were really needed to hold someone down, access their ass and apply some paint. If they were really caring individuals, they might ask what the wife's favorite color was.

I'm glad that stuff was gone well before I showed up. I do kind of miss throwing water from the roof of the station though.

Thanks for reading,


  1. I'm surprised someone didn't get shot.

    The real response that "enough of you bastards" want to watch out for is the man who knows that, yeah, there are enough of you bastards. The question is, who wants to bleed for it?

  2. Dear Captain Schmoe,
    My all-time best is pretty weak here, but I'll share. Dyed a swimming pool red. It was gorgeous and macabre at night. Next morning-the chlorine had worked and it looked like Heinz 57.
    Ann T.

  3. Cap,

    Yeah, I miss those days too. We used to leave cups of water leaning in the other station's doors and cabinets, or fill their dishwasher with regular dish soap-suds everywhere. Wiped chili peppers on the rims of cups. One guy used to tie dental floss to the plug on the emergency light, aim the light at a guy's bed, and tug on it at 3am. Toilet paper roll battles. Saran wrap on toilet seats. Ah, the good ol' days.

    When inter-dept email first came out, guys sat around trying to guess people's passwords and then, when they cracked one, would send a ridiculous email to everyone.

    No one does anything together anymore. Everyone sits in their dorm cubicle on their laptop or watching their personal 13" TV, instead of hanging together in the kitchen or dayroom. At a single company house with 3 guys, you might not see anyone all day except for runs, morning chores, and meals.

    I don't like it. We don't have the comeraderie and teamwork we used to have.

  4. LOL! I think you should do it!! get a little practical joke war going...

    Just a suggestion...


  5. Mad Jack - I don't know, some of those old guys didn't mind shedding a little blood.

    Ann T. - It sounds like it worked to me.

    John - It's a double edged sword. I like having my own room, I don't hear anyone snore, they don't hear me.

    I remember on of my old captains jumping out of bed and yelling at us pups - "Goddam you guys, this is a dorm, not a gym. Knock it off". We did too.

    I miss those things.

    Thanks for the comments.

  6. I remember the last time
    -the bedroom A/C was set to 99 on a hot summer night
    -hand sanitizer was squirted into someone's seat (freezing cold rear end as it evaporates)
    -1 3/4" was turned on someone during pump operator drills
    -parental controls were activated on the tv
    -the toilet was rigged to spray water
    -kitchen sink sprayer taped or rubber-banded
    -someone was antiqued while in the bathroom
    -the water heater was turned off
    -the fuel pumps were turned off (actually quite irritating)
    -someone's gear/bed/etc was wrapped in fire line tape

    Sadly, not much has happened lately though. There's a shakeup coming, bits and pieces have already happened.

  7. I might be a cop but I love my fire fighters I work with. I have played a few jokes on them but never know how their Cpt. will react. I once got all the Chick Fil A fire cows and had them sitting in chairs and cooking in the kitchen.
    I'd never mess with their food or the wifes pictures but would love a good joke if I knew they wouldn't call the chief and complain. Same for my guys too for that matter. We have lost some of the fun!